Miracle Whip

And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables...
John 2:15

In my cutting-edge research I now discovered the end of this tale, and the true identity of "he": "And then Bishop Murphy got on his knees and picked up the money, and greedily stuffed it in his garments. Only fools believed that kneeling he prayed to god, for Bishop Murphy only hid his contemptuous grin."

And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks, and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.
Matthew 15:36

You may think the time of miracles is over, but "Bishop" Murphy procured a 2005 Bentley Arnage for $68,000. Hallelujah! (Fire up Google, try to match the price. I want a Bentley, too, but I seem to be unable to find a 2005 model for under 100k, in fact, most are well above that.)

A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.
Proverbs 26:3

And a Bentley is for the Bishop's ass.
Proverbs 2009:6-7

What a duper!!!